Not getting Paris Hilton
Someone doesn’t get all the hoohaa about Paris Hilton and Chris Kelly is his name.
Chris says:
I’ve just been thinking about Paris Hilton, and I wanted to class things up before I get down on all fours and root around in the muck.
By this time next week, Paris Hilton could be in jail.
On Friday, May 4th, she’ll be sentenced for reckless driving, driving with a suspended license, and violating probation from a previous drunk driving arrest. All Californians being equal in the eyes of the law, she’s looking at 90 days.I’m not saying Paris Hilton is actually going to do time. I’m just saying, if you send enough people to prison, sooner or later you’ll convict a celebrity. Even in Los Angeles. The tenets of justice can fail, but not the laws of probability.
If not her, then, I dunno, Scott Baio.
Prison has a way of evening things out. If Phil Spector gets convicted, too, Paris will only be its second least convincing blonde.
If Paris does go to the pokey, it could be the sign that a grotesque era is over. The way Ivan Boesky’s plea bargain signaled the end of the 80s.
(I don’t actually believe that for a minute, but I wanted to say it before some other hack (Maureen Dowd) does.)
(Idea for Maureen Dowd’s next column: How the Democratic Presidential Debate was Like Grey’s Anatomy. See, Hillary’s Ellen Pompeo, and Barack Obama…)
(Why do people read her?)
I have to admit I’ve never gotten Paris Hilton at all. When the guys talk about her, as a universally acclaimed figure of guilty lust, I edge away slowly.
I feel like I’m not getting the gag. Like it’s a new version of that old high school trick, where you tell the joke with the punch line “No soap radio!” and everyone laughs, to see if you’ll laugh too, just to fit in.
Don’t get me wrong. I could stand around the water cooler objectifying women until the cows come home. But Paris Hilton gives me the willies.
It’s not that she’s stupid. Although she does make Jessica Simpson sound like Jessica Mitford. And it’s not that she’s useless and bad. Lots of people are useless, stupid and bad. Look at Alberto Gonzales.
It’s that her only job is to be a sex symbol, and she’s about as attractive as Norman Bates dressed as his mom, drunk.
What am I missing?
So what is Chris missing, guys? Why do you like Paris???
Via Huffington Post
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POSTED IN: Gossip
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