Paris Hilton Receives Prison Tips from “Reno 911″ Deputy
“Reno 911’s” Deputy Clementime Johnson (played by Wendi McLendon Covey) has joined the bandwagon and is now issuing her own tips for helping Paris Hilton survive her upcoming prison experience.
To Paris:
“I’ve recently been asked to give “Survival in the Slammer” tips to someone named Paris Hilton. I’m not sure who this is … is she related to Lawrence Hilton Jacobs from “Welcome Back Kotter?” I guess it doesn’t matter.
It’s important to remember that a cavity search has nothing to do with your teeth. However, a “lady” will be looking in your various nooks and crannies for contraband (drugs, weapons, etc.) That doesn’t mean you can’t keep other things in your cavities like candy or shampoo, but contraband will be confiscated. This procedure will not be videotaped unless you specifically request it.
Since you’ll be staying in the “Special Needs Section” of the prison (and I’m not sure if this means you’re important or retarded), think of your cell as a special VIP club that only you can get into. Maybe Red Bull will sponsor it!
Getting out of jail is like getting out of a full body cast; it feels great, but you’ll be stinky and hairy when you emerge. It’s not uncommon for women getting out of prison to leave with a full goatee and unibrow, not to mention a “shag carpet.” Some nice inmate will probably offer to play beauty salon with you and give you a Brazilian bikini wax, but trust me, you won’t like the results.
Oh! And when the guards give you attitude, put them in their place by reminding them that your taxes pay their salary, so technically you’re their boss. Believe me — public servants never get sick of hearing that! I know I don’t.
That is all.
Have a Clemtastic time!
Deputy Clementine Johnson
Reno 911!
Source: TMZ
Tags: paris+hilton+jailRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Making fun of Paris
1 opinion for Paris Hilton Receives Prison Tips from “Reno 911″ Deputy
lodziaa
May 21, 2007 at 3:40 pm
PARIS HILTON IS NO BETTER THEN ANY ONE OF US–SHE THUMBED HER NOSE ON THE LAW- AND SHE THINKS HER S–T DOSEN,T STINK
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: