The Future of Paris Hilton
An analysis of the future of Paris Hilton. No matter how you spin it it doesn’t look good!
* Paris as social crusader - one day Paris wakes up and the cocaine, clothes and six-inch, diamond-encrusted high heels just don’t do it for her any more. Sex becomes anticlimactic. She senses a spiritual void. She plugs the gap with charity work and serious causes. She begins to favour flowing orange outfits with tassels and flat heels. She uses the word gender. We discover she is really a brunette. She becomes my generation’s Jane Fonda.
* Paris as a miracle of modern science - a crack team of LA’s best plastic surgeons works to remove any trace of a wrinkle, any suspicion of sag. She is the recipient of the best health care our planet has to offer. At 60, Paris looks 40. At 70, we make jokes about portraits in attics. We admire her gloriously sculpted nose, her luminous eyes and her glossy blonde locks. Year after year, we see her body beautiful and glowing face glide to centre stage. She is surrounded by a dazzling explosion of camera flashes, effusive tributes and wild applause. Then she reaches out for a microphone with a tiny withered claw. She becomes my generation’s Joan Rivers.
* Paris as a mum - this option is not as far fetched as it sounds. Paris would make a surprisingly good mother. She can multitask; stopping sex to answer a mobile phone call is impressive. Under the raging ego and obscene wealth, she appears to be quite a warm person. Coping with fame means that you can cope with anything, including parenthood. Imagine her with teenage daughters: rebellion would be futile.
* Paris disappears into obscurity - 20 years from now you are driving in the Utah desert in a hired station wagon. You pull into a small town and ask directions to the nearest mechanic. They tell you to keep driving south for another hour. Eventually, you come to a run-down service station. Buzzards flap past. You go inside to pay for your fuel. The screen door swings shut behind you. The blonde behind the counter looks vaguely familiar.
Tags: paris+hilton+futureWhat’s your vote?
Source: Sydney Morning Herald
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